Winter break is half way over and I've become so nonproductive. Having my computer in my room has spoiled me so much. All I do everyday now is sleep around 3AM, get up around 1PM, watch some movie, play call of duty 2 or vice city, download music, sit around the house, have dinner, then watch some other movie, and then go to sleep. I stopped watching LOST cause the disc keeps freezing on me. And I haven't learned another song on guitar since "Is There Anybody Out There." I guess I have lost all my motivation since the day all my grades showed up :( I hate that they can do that to you.

Grades are the worst part about college. My grades never reflect my actual knowledge. I get good grades in classes that I don't care about and don't learn anything in and average grades in the ones that are meaningful to me. I think I've realized that studying throughout the quarter doesn't really matter. All that matters are the few hours before your exams and how focused you are during your exam. You can read the whole textbook and do all your homework and still get a bad grade on exams just for being a bad test taker (like me.) I wish I cared more about my grades and my GPA. The problem is that it's nothing more than a number to me at the end of the day. To me, it's more important how much I have really learned in a class and how much I will remember in the future. Who the fuck cares about how long I take to solve a circuit problem or how quickly I can write a program for a microcontroller.

Nonetheless, I will continue to read my textbooks and do all my homework and study for exams. I'm just gonna have to do it better and more often this time. These bullet wounds (in the form of bad grades...metaphorically speaking) have slowed me down, but I haven't turned around and run away yet. I'm still on the battlefield and marching forward. The war is still on!